041

Ever been so extremely excited about something and you couldn't wait to tell someone? Doesn't it feel awful when they kill your good mood by either not listening or just blowing it off?

I absolutely hate when people do that to me, so let me go ahead and apologize if I have done that to any of you reading this. My roommate does it to me all the damn time. I can never be happy about something because she'll find a way to put me down. I can never ever make an example of something involving my experience because she thinks that it's selfish. I'm pretty sure she does it on purpose because she's actually the selfish one. If she's talking about herself, don't even think about putting your two cents in because that means you're selfish. If you're getting a 3,000 dollar refund check, don't tell her about how happy you are because she'll say something to make you no longer excited about it. I think MY personal problem is that I'm tactful. I say shit and don't mean to hurt people's feelings, sometimes it just comes out the wrong way, I guess.

Anyway, what I'm excited about ...

L O N D O N !

I'm thinking about studying abroad in the summer of 2009. I've been wanting to study abroad since last year when a lady came to our class to talk to us about studying abroad in the Czech Republic. At the time, I was like ooh yeah. Czech Republic, hells yeah. But then I was thinking more along the lines of oh, IRELAND. Thanks to watching P.S. I Love You, I was thinking how much fun it would be to go to there. Part of me still really, really wants to go to Ireland, but the classes they're offering don't really fit in to what I need to finish up my core classes. However, London does. I'll only be over there about a month, but I think it'll be a really good experience for me. I've never been on an airplane and I've never had the opportunity to travel outside the country. In the 7th grade, I got invited to this program called People to People, which is a student ambassador program where I'd be able to travel around Europe for an entire summer. I was really excited. However, September 11th happened. That same night I was supposed to go to Atlanta for the meeting. Of course my parents gave it a big hell no. This is my new opportunity for me to go.

I'll be taking Theatre Appreciation, which will involve mandatory field trips to places like the Globe Theatre and we'll even get to see a Broadway production. The other class I'll be taking is World Civilizations II. Not so excited about that one, but I'll survive. This is something I'll be doing on my own. I'm not going to have any friends going over there with me-- that I know of, anyway. I'm going to be using financial aid to go over there, so my parents aren't paying for shit. I have to get a job to use for spending money and such. I'm so ready, though. I've been bookmarking shit on firefox that I want.

-A new camera
- luggage
-a cute over-the-shoulder bag
-rain boots

The list honestly goes on & on.
The good news is, if I get a job, I can get my apartment next semester and still be able to study abroad.

Fuck these hoes who can't be happy for me.
I swear I'm hardly ever happy anymore & when I am, somebody always has to take that away from me.

Me, Me, Me.
For once, or twice, or maybe 1,000,000 more times,
it's going to be about me.

040

P. S. I Love You

So I know I'm super late seeing that movie, but let me say it was the best movie I've seen, ever. Never in my life have I cried that hard during a movie, except maybe Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants because that chick died from cancer. Or maybe Rent because Angel died of AIDS. Fuck, who am I kidding? I'm a crier. Bawler extreme. I love movies that make me cry, but hate them at the same time. Sometimes I feel like I just need to cry, so I'll pop in a flick and let the teardrop parade begin. If you love movies like The Notebook and The Holiday, do yourself the favor and check out P.S. I Love You. The one thing I absolutely despise about movies like that, is that I get all emotional and cry and cry until my eyes are red and burning and at first it's because the movie is so great and the love story is so wonderful but then after it's over, I'm like depressed because I've never felt a love as strong as any of those in the stories. Yeah, I realize that they're only stories, but I'm a hopeless romantic. If ever in my life I could have a love like that, I'd feel absolutely complete. A love like, when you go to sleep at night, they're the last person you think about and when you wake up in the morning, they're the first person you see. I've never had anything like that and even though I'm doubtful at times, I like to believe someone's out there like that, just for me. Not just a temporary fling either, someone who's in it for the long haul. We'll have Christmas and New Year's and Valentine's Day and birthdays. I know one day it'll happen for me, but I get so impatient. A lot of my friends are having babies and getting engaged or getting married and it makes me feel so ... late. Here they are starting families and I haven't even found a serious relationship yet. I'm not in a rush because I want it to be the right person, but ... I don't know. Sometimes you find what you really need when you're not even looking, but what if you've been overlooking them all along? It's like when you lose your keys only to realize they've been in your hand all along. You're so busy looking in the wrong places that you didn't realize they've been there the entire time. As far as I know, there's nobody in my life like that. There's a guy from my hometown who seems interested, but only after we had a conversation about me really having to trust someone before I'd take things to another level sexually. I honestly don't think I could ever be that comfortable with him.

WTF is all this random ranting and raving? Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is ... Mr. Right, if you're reading this and I've been overlooking you, I apologize. Jingle the keys so I'll take notice of what's been in my hands all this time.

039

You know we be hurtin' 'em;
should've brought them bandages.


I'll remove the stick up my ass later.

Mmm & I really shouldn't have eaten that ice cream.
Thank goodness my roommate left the room because I think she would've passed out, honestly.

038

MMMHMMM.

I like how Jocey's punk ass said she was gonna call me last night. She always sayin' she gonna call & then doesn't. See, she's in college now so she thinks she's the shit & too good to call her bitch. Hell nah, I'm in college too. I've been here longer than you, boo. Then you wanna go & change on a bitch. I see how it is.

036

Well, I have a special little inspirational something I read today that I'm going to post. But first .. my weekend.

Friday, went shopping. I got a 2nd refund check and I think I spent half of that on Friday. Um, oops? I'm gonna try not to buy any unnecessary shit this week. Didn't do shit that night. Saturday, I went to my bay Stephanie's house. We made spinach artichoke dip, which was delicious. Then watched Talladega Nights. I got all dolled up & straightened her hair. She then took the most EMBARRASSING pics of me, which you will not be getting your filthy hands on. We made some fondue, deliciosa. My friend Lu invited us over because he was watching the UGA game. So we chilled over there for a bit. Then visited Steph's friends who live directly below Lu. Afterwards, which was around 12, we hit up Walmart & bought absolutely nothing. Oh, except we rented 2 movies from this Redbox thing. It's like $1 to rent a movie. Check that shit out. Went to Denny's where our waiter didn't charge us for our Island Fizz drinks.


Stephie & her drank.

I asked her why we got our drinks for free & she said "Cuz we're so damn cute." Mmmhmm. I have to agree. Got stared down by some strange looking Mexicans & had a good conversation with the waiter. Went back to her house, got there about 2ish. Took some crazy ass pictures, which again, you will not be getting your paws on. Finally sat down and watched What Happens In Vegas. I've seen it before, so I ended up going to sleep with 5 minutes left. Woke up around 11ish, cooked some broccoli & chicken pasta and watched Untraceable. Around 5ish, we washed our cars. My baby looks so fresh & clean now. ^_^ Left her house about 6ish, took the movies back to the Redbox thang & back to my dorm. Let me just say, moving my car is a bitch. I have to park like a mile away from my dorm. Realized I had to take a test, which I made a 76 on. Fuck that. Yeah, that about sums up my weekend. Now for the inspiration cute shit..

Maybe -

• we were supposed to meet the wrong people before meeting the right one so that, when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

Maybe -

• when the door of happiness closes, another opens; but, often times, we look so long at the closed door that we don't even see the new one which has been opened for us.

Maybe -

• it is true that we don't know what we have until we lose it, but it is also true that we don't know what we have been missing until it arrives.

Maybe -

• the happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

Maybe -

• the brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; after all, you can't go on successfully in life until you let go of your past mistakes, failures, and heartaches.

Maybe -

• you should dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go, be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you dream of, and want to do.

Maybe -

• there are moments in life when you miss someone -- a parent, a spouse, a friend, a child, your girlfriend/boyfriend -- so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real, so that once they are around you appreciate them more.

Maybe -
the best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.
Maybe -

• you should always try to put yourself in others' ♥ shoes ♥. If you feel that something could hurt you, it probably will hurt the other person, too.

Maybe -

• you should do something nice for someone every single day, even if it is simply to leave them alone.

Maybe -

• giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they will love you back. Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart; but if it doesn't, be content that it grew in yours.

Maybe -

• happiness waits for all those who cry, all those who hurt, all those who have searched, and all those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of all the people who have touched their lives.

Maybe -

• you shouldn't go for looks; they can deceive; don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile, because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one who makes your heart smile. =) ♥

Maybe -

• you should hope for enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, and enough hope to make you happy.

Maybe -

• you should try to live your life to the fullest because when you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling, but when you die, you can be the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

035

So I know I already blogged today, but something just came up that really got me thinking. First of all, don't you just LOVE when you find out a female/dude you used to talk to now has a baby? I used to talk to this dude like three summers ago. I'm not sure why because I honestly didn't even like him; he was a horrible kisser and he really pressured me into doing things I really didn't want to do. I'm not sure how but eventually we just stopped talking. When I say eventually I mean after like two weeks, tops. So I found him on facebook and I was like hmm, let me add him. So today he finally adds me, after apparently getting out of jail, and I decide to look at his pictures. I see an ultrasound pic and I was like OH MYLANTA! So I look at his baby mama and she's this large, white woman straight out of Shackin' Up With Shamu: Vol. 2. I'm not hating because like I said, I didn't like him and I have no children nor do I want any in my life right now. Nothing to hate on, so get that out of your head immediately because I know that probably 87% of you boneheaded bitches reading this blog are putting the 'hater' label on me. Now what really made me think though is like, this is exactly why I don't fuck around, seriously. Most of you may not know that I haven't had sex in a while; when I say while, I mean a whiiiiile. Honestly nothing more than a personal choice I've made. I don't have sex because I've never been the type to have a fuck buddy, although that may have been all I was to them. Most men I have come across don't know what it means to have a monogamous relationship. That opens a whole other can of worms that's not on my blog agenda. What I'm saying is, I'm the type of female who wants an exclusive relationship that doesn't just revolve around sex. Since the men that seem to be interested in me are the ones who want to go fuck around with every bitch in their cell phone contacts, I just honestly don't even bother. Seeing that he got some broad pregnant got me thinking like, I used to talk to him .. if I would've let it go that far, that could be me. I'm trying to go to school; I don't have time for dicks and babies and diapers. Not to mention I'm living off my financial aid refund check. I'm not saying that I'm not gonna have sex again until I'm married or until I graduate from college, but if that's how I end up, then so be it. Hopefully one day there will be someone in my life who can change my mind about all that. As of now, there are a few I have in mind ...



The ending of this blog didn't really go in the direction I had planned and I don't think I completely explained exactly why I don't fuck around, but I'm sure you get the point.

034

"Looks so good, I just wanna put my face in it."


Oliver got his shirt today! Yayyyy.

Oliver & I have a LOT of haters.
Lots & lots & lots & lots.



That's our song, lmao.

In other news, I checked my mail again after not checking for like a week and I got my second refund check. So that's a thousand more dollars in my checking account & Lord knows I need it. Tomorrow I have a class at 9, then a class at 10. When I get out at 11, I'm going to take my check to the bank then go to the mall to look for a pair of shoes & a new purse. I doubt I'll do anything Friday night but Saturday I think my friend Erica & I are going to go out. Either to one of the bars or to a party because we both agreed that we don't go out nearly enough. My ankle is itching like crazy. K, sorry. My friend Stephanie may also go with us but I know she doesn't have anything cute to wear. Hopefully she'll get something soon cuz I can't be lookin' fly & have her lookin' a hot ass mess. I'm absolutely obsessed with the Jesse McCartney song "It's Over". He's all grown & shit now. A nassy ass thang. Tavi told me he can be her nassy thang. Lmao, I ♥ that girl. Oliver & I were watching Paula Deen earlier, lmfao. I love that bitch. That's my bitch for real. When I'm old, I'm gonna be just like her. She bit into a pork rind and said "That's music to a cracker's ears". I swear I almost died.

♥♥♥ I need to mention my baby girl Jocey. I swear I end up mad at her every single day and then like an hour later, I'm IMing her like shit didn't even happen. That's my down ass bitch, forever & ever. Fuck all of you guys, but she might be getting a shirt too. I'd rather get her something different, though. We'll see.

033

You're the closest to Heaven that I'll ever be
& I don't want to go home right now.

032

So, I found this on someone's myspace and decided to do it for myself as a blog. Ya'll should try doing it too. You think you really know so much about yourself until you have to sit down and put it into words. It's much harder than it looks.

Nine things about yourself.

1. My first name is Ashley.
2. I'm brutally honest at times & sometimes I end up hurting feelings.
3. I'm majoring in Early Childhood Education
4. I skipped geography & math today. Oops.
5. I listen to music like 85% of my day .. including in my sleep.
6. I love beachy smells; It could be because I love the beach.
7. I laugh, a lot. If I'm not laughing it really isn't funny.
8. I don't really follow trends; I wear what's comfortable. Unless I'm going OUT. I'm honestly a tshirt & jeans type of girl.
9. I honestly cherish the little things.

Eight ways to win your heart.

1. Smile. =]
2. Treat me as if I'm the only person in the world who matters, even if I'm not.
3. Cook for me.
4. Make me laugh.
5. Cuddle with me while watching my favorite movie.
6. Kiss me in the rain.
7. Sing to me, even if you sound horrible.
8. Be yourself.

Seven things that cross your mind a lot.

1. School
2. Family
3. Friends
4. Random shit that nobody else cares about
5. You
6. Money
7. Things that honestly bother me about myself & others

Six things you wish you never did.

1. Anything I did to hurt my mom
2. Lose my virginity to him
3. Lose a friend to something stupid we did together
4. Lie
5. Failed my education class last year
6. Fell in love

Five turn offs

1. arrogance
2. smothering
3. taking advantage of me
4. lying, cheating fuck faces
5. lazy bums who are doing nothing with their lives [this should've been number one]

Four favorite places

1. the beach
2. anywhere i'm welcome
3. my grandparent's house
4. my house

Three things you want to do before you die

1. Graduate college & become a teacher
2. Open my own bakery
3. Get married & have children

Two smilies that describe you

1. ;;)
2.:->

One confession

1. You love me, but you don't know who I am.

031

So, I sent off Oliver's shirt today.
How exciting. I'm hoping he'll get it by like.. Saturdayish.
Which I'm sure he will.

And uh, I'm officially selling 'mark' products.
So how about you either a) buy make up for yourself or b) tell somebody who wears make up to buy some. I'd basically love you forever. I've already spent like 50 dollars on make up for myself, but you get so much for your money.

buy my shit here.

Hmm, nothing else is really going on in my life.
I honestly hate going to my algebra class.
Urgh. I'll be so happy when this semester is over.
Definitely counting down the days.

The other day, Darrian reminded me that I'm nobody's number 1.
That's pretty depressing but I guess it's good to tell yourself that so you don't end up hurt from being so naive. The thing is, I am pretty naive at times. I think a lot of people have taken advantage of that. Anyway, don't feel like getting into that tonight. Happy blog, happy blog.

I think it's bedtime.
Goodnight, world.

030

I sure am glad I have Oliver as my boo, husband & best friend.
He's 3 people in one so some of you bitches are out of a job.

-giggles.

I'm sending his shirt tomorrow. I can't wait until he gets it!

029

I adore the weekends because I stay up until 4 am and sleep in 'til 2 PM.

Our air was broken but I'm wondering if it's fixed now because it's getting a little chilly in here. All I know is that 4 hours ago it was 84 degrees in this room. Friday morning while I was going to class I noticed the name tag from our door had been burnt. I tried to kick it away and it was actually burnt into the carpet. Also, someone had ripped this bulletin board display. If nobody confesses or snitches in the next few days we're all going to be charged a fifty dollar fine. When I say all, I mean all 400+ people who live in this dorm. Are you aware that 50 x 400 = 20,000? That's mother fucking ridiculous. The fuck do they need 20,000 dollars for? All they did was tear the paper off a bulletin board and as far as the carpet goes .. it's like a 3 x 3 inch burn mark. It's not going to cost 20,000 dollars to repair it. What really gets to me, though .. is that if the fire from the name tag had escalated, we'd be stuck in our room because this was LITERALLY right outside our door. The sprinklers would've gone off and all of our shit would have been ruined. We wouldn't have been able to leave the room and we're on the FOURTH FLOOR. It wasn't that serious, but it definitely could have been. What the fuck were they thinking setting something on fire anyway?! I told my mom and she asked who I had pissed off, lmfao. I told her nobody that knew where I lived. I think they should've saved the name tag & taken finger prints. Call up CSI in this bitch. After class, I went to Jacksonville and that was a fun trip. Although we had a few minor detours thanks to us not paying attention, lmao. When we got there we drove to Neptune Beach to eat lunch at this restaurant called Carribee Key. I had a jerk chicken quesedilla and let me say, it was delicious. After lunch, we went to the mall where I bought two dresses, two shirts, a pair of jeans and a pair of leggings. Then I bought lotion, body spray and lip gloss at bath & body works. We then went back to Neptune to sit on the beach since the sun had gone down. Left around 9ish, had dinner at TGI Friday's and finally got home around 1ish. Did absolutely nothing today. I'm pretty upset that I have my headphones in listening to this song and I can hear people outside OVER my music. I honestly hate living on campus and I am so ready to move next semester. It better happen.

I ♥ Oliver.
^ I just put that because Jocey felt the need to let the internet know that she loved Rina. Just returning the favor.


Here's a picture of the damage to the carpet. It might be hard to see because it was taken on my camera phone. When I quit being lazy, I'll try to take a better one with my camera.

028

Has it ever crossed your mind .. ?



Crush - David Archuleta


It's as if I wrote the song myself.
I just can't stop listening to it because of how much I can relate to it.
It's like really depressing me but I just love the song so much.

P.S. Oliver, marry me?

027

This week has been pretty great. Went to the gym today & going again tomorrow. We're changing our gym schedule from 3 times a week to only 2, but plan on staying longer those days. Went to this one80 meeting; it's kinda like a church youth group type thing, but for college people. Tonight we talked about Identity & finding out who you are. It was pretty interesting because I think I am really struggling with finding out who I am and why I'm here. Anyway, I'll save all that for another blog. Friday, me and my friend Stephanie are going to JACKSONVILLE ! Wooooot! Super excited about that. Shopping during the day, then going to Neptune Beach afterwards. I'm trying to convince my guy friend to go with us and if he goes, I'll invite my friend Erica. I'm pretty sure it's just going to be me and Stephanie, though. Expect an update whenever something exciting happens in my life.

026

Just because today is a terrible day doesn't mean tomorrow won't be the best day of your life.
You just gotta get there first.

025

I HATE WALMART.

I had nothing better to do today, plus I needed bottled water and toilet paper. So I decided to go to Walmart. Everytime I go to Walmart I end up getting pissed off. People are so fucking stupid. They take up the ENTIRE aisle since they insist on making grocery shopping a family activity. Their buggies are flowing with milk, spam and children. Not to mention the older children getting in my fucking way. If it's not that, it's somebody walking slow as shit down an aisle... while taking up the entire aisle because they're just that fucking huge. When you get the end of the aisle, you always make sure nobody is coming, right? Well I'm standing in the middle turning left ... and this bitch is at the end of the aisle. She sees me turning but what the fuck does she do? She starts coming out. Well I'm turning into the next aisle while she is not. So I just stop since obviously I can't go into the next aisle and I look at her like "REALLY?!?!!?" and I had to seriously stop myself from yelling it out loud. Then after I stare her down with the 'what the fuck are you serious' look on my face, she says 'You can go ahead'. DUH. REALLY!?!?!? Cuz that's exactly what the fuck I was trying to do.

THEN. I went to the deli cuz I wanted some chicken strips. Some bitch and her bitch child cut in front of me. Then this dumb ass bitch goes back to wait in the check out line. The bitch child in front of me is all up on the lady in front of her giving her these wide eyed WHAT?! stares behind her back. Getting mad because the lady in front of her hasn't ordered yet. Then I give that little bitch child a 'wtf you rude ass little bitch ass ho' look and she sees me too then embarrassingly turns around. Then her mom comes back over and just leaves her buggy in the check out line. Damn I wanted to chew her ass out so bad but I was trying to control my temper. But what the fuck are you doing in line if you're not even done shopping? Damn fuck that pisses me off.

With that being said, again .. I fucking hate Walmart.

024

I sat there one night,
Trying to think of ways to let you know how I feel.
I couldn’t possibly tell you face to face.
I really wish you would just wake up
It’s so plainly obvious that I love you,
Most everyone knows, but you can’t see.
Then again,
You don’t see how I fall apart
When I don’t see you or hear your voice.
I wish I could just tell you how I feel,
But I’m so afraid you’ll simply brush me off, say you don’t feel the same.
Or even worse, say nothing at all.
Every time I see you with her,
I get a sharp pain in my chest,
Like someone twisting a knife deep inside me.
I can’t help wondering,
Do you long for her as I long for you?
Do you just wish there was no fear of rejection?
I do, and it’s just so overwhelming,
I feel completely and utterly subsumed by this mere thought,
Not to mention how things would change once you knew.
But sometimes, when it’s just us,
It almost seems like you feel for her and I the same way.
It’s probably just a trick of my heart,
But I can’t help hoping, wishing, praying that its true.
If only there was some sort of guarantee
That you wouldn’t say no,
And that you felt the same about me
As I do you.
But there isn’t.
And it seems so unfair,
It’s just something that I’ll have to get used to.
I wish I could just tell you
“I love you”,
But I’m so afraid of rejection
That whenever I make up my mind to tell you,
I can’t.
The words seem to get stuck in my throat.
So maybe you could help me out,
And make it a little more clear,
Instead of sending out these mixed messages.
Just help me understand how you feel,
Because I know,
I love you.