065

Let's recite the Code of the Elves.

1. Treat every day like Christmas.
2. There's room for everyone on the nice list.
3. The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.


So I'm watching Elf, which is one of my favorite Christmas movies EVER. I love Christmas. It's my favorite time of year. I started listening to Christmas carols like 3 weeks ago. I love the cold and I love the feeling of Christmas time. I thought about it and I actually wish I was one of Santa's elves. Sue me for living in a fantasy world. Life would be great.

I don't have anything else to ramble about.

064

So yesterday's meal was delicious. My family and I went up to my grandparents' house. I made the broccoli and cheese casserole and sour cream muffins, which is a Paula Deen recipe. They really just taste like biscuits. DELICIOUS! That's my lady, ya'll. Tomorrow we're having a thanksgiving dinner here with my stepdad's kids. WHAT? Two Thanksgivings? Hellllllll yeahhhhhh. So today, I woke up at like 5:15 and got ready to go shopping. I got a lot of shit for my apartment. I got dinnerware, pots & pans, the magic bullet [which i've wanted for like 3 years], new bedding, a can opener. I can't remember all the shit I got honestly.

That's the big pile of shit currently in my living room. Oh, Christmas. Please hurry.

063

5 things I'm thankful for:

-Being alive & well
-Spending yet another Thanksgiving with both of my grandparents, who mean the world to me
-Having great friends
-Only 2 weeks until I get my apartment
-My family, even though they frustrate the hell out of me


I think I'm thankful for so much that it's hard for me to actually think of things. It seems like everything is so obvious.

062

Sunday night was quite the night. My RA & I hit up Walmart at like 3 am after a night of boy & girl talk with my roommates, Tyrell & Jaque. We went to Steak & Shake afterwards and my stomach was bitching at me for it alllllll day, if you know what I'm saying. I got home about 5 and crawled into the bed somewhere around 5:30. Woke up at nine to go to math. My other class was canceled so I tried to go to the Boys & Girls Club for my field experience hours. It's definitely closed all this week so I'll have to go when I get back. Basically, I'm tired as hell. I went to sleep around 12ish but my roommates have every light on and are packing and cleaning, so sleeping basically wasn't an option. They woke me up. Then James called me and I had told him I was sleeping but he took it as he woke me up when he didn't. I wanted to talk to him, but he wasn't talking much thanks to me being occupied with my roommates conversation. So, now it's 3:15 and I'm stuck wide awake with nobody to talk to. Oh, except AJ. Hi, bitch.

At 9:30, I have my education class. I packed up my cart earlier so I'm taking my laptop in my bookbag and as soon as my class is over I'm walking to my car and heading the fuck out. I'm ready for Thanksgiving. Big plans for this week. Turkey, shopping & my friends and I are definitely making our own Blair Witch Project. It's going to be some awesome shit.


;]

061

So, friends & unknowns ... I need your help.

Thanksgiving is a few days away and the day after is the biggest shopping day of the year. If you haven't realized it yet, I'll tell you once again: I'm moving into my apartment on December 12th. Check the countdown. Anyway, so when I go shopping, I'm going to be getting things for my apartments. Plates, pots, pans, utensils, vacuum cleaners, etc. My brain can't really think of all the things I'm going to need so here's where you come in.

If you could only be so kind as to help me think of things I'm going to need.
=]

Let's gooooo.
& if you don't wanna help, then fuck you.

060

So, I'm so fucking glad I finally am talking to Jocey again after days of worrying. I swear I was hitting everybody up asking if they've heard from her and if she's alive. Everyone kept telling me she's alive and she's fine, but I KNEW something wasn't right. I have an amazing intuition so I already knew something was wrong. Big ups to my home girl Jocey, shout out like it's 106 & Park. This ho better get lots of rest so she can get back to life. A bitch be missin' her biffel.

Thanksgiving break is just around the corner. I'm ready for some turkey. Like seriously. I look forward to Thanksgiving meals and then the leftovers for days after. I swear I eat turkey sandwiches for like a week. I love it. Then shopping the day after, which will be for apartment shit, mostly. I'm so fucking excited. I'm going home Tuesday after my education class, then Wednesday I'll be up at my grandma's until Thursday. Friday is shopping & maybe a second Thanksgiving at my house with my stepdad's kids. I seriously HAVE to hang out with my friends from home, but I really need to clean/pack up my room while I'm home. So maybe I can squeeze most of that in on Tuesday/Thursday night.

I just wanna give another shoutout to Tavi--
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LOVERFACE !

Oh, P.S. Fuck James. Hate you, bitch.
<3

akekeke.

Here's a chance for you to actually learn some things about me.
=]

ABOUT YOU
BASiCS
[name] Ashley
[location] Valdosta
[birthday] 05281989
[sign] Gemini
[eye color] Blue Green
[hair] Brown
[school colors] Red&Black
[mascot] Blazers
[clothing style] jeans & tshirts, usually.
[pets] Quintavious!

FAVORiTES
[movie] P.S. I Love You
[tv show] The Hills
[color crayon] sea foam green
[kind of pens] colorful ones
[flowers] idk
[juice flavor] apple
[cereal] cap'n crunch
[candy] snickers
[pie flavor] pecan
[ice cream flavor] strawberry cheesecake
[skittle flavor] grape
[color m&m] red
[pizza topping] cheese, sausage & mushroom
[salad dressing] bleu cheese & balsamic
[drink (non-alcoholic)] sweet tea
[drink (alcoholic)] watermelon smirnoff
[hangout] anywhere
[saying] GIRL, GET !
[quote] "In 3 words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." -Robert Frost
[teacher]Mrs.Boyd in 10th grade
[day] Saturday
[month] December
[season] Winter
[number] 19
[holiday] Christmas
[shoes] flip flops
[makeup] anything by mark
[perfume] viva la juicy by juicy couture
[store (in the mall)] victoria's secret
[store (not in the mall)] target
[fast food place] zaxby's!
[restaurants] chili's
[cars] mine
[Rugrats character] Angelica; that bitch is just like me.
[Daria character] Uh?
[Simpsons character] Milhouse
[Teletubby] The gay one
[fair ride] The scrambler
[radio station] i hate the radio.
[font] arial size 10
[color of floppy disk] who uses those?
[person to talk to online] joceyyyyy
[thing to do in the daytime] sleep
[thing to do at night] go out
[thing to do in the summer] lay out
[thing to do in the fall] fall-ish things
[thing to do in the spring] uh, spring-ish things
[picture] the one i have as my background on my computer
[bands] red hot chili peppers
[subject] none
[food] chicken
[color] sea foam green

THiS 0R THAT
[boxers or briefs?] boxers...
[plaid or striped?] striped
[scream1 or scream2 or scream3?] they all suck
[urban legend or the faculty?] urban legend?
[ska or punk?] they both suck.
[salt or pepper?] salt
[rare, medium, or well-done?] medium rare.
[m&m's- regular, peanut, peanut-butter, or almond?] peanut
[Hershey's-hugs or kisses] hugs
[chocolate or vanilla?] chocolate
[bleh or blah?] blah
[okay, ok, or o.k.?] okay
[sex, drugs, or rocknroll?] i can't have all 3?
[shake or stir?] shake
[gray or grey?] GRAY.
[pens, crayons, pastGels, or colored pencils?] markers. fuck you.
[bright colors or dark colors?] bright.

unappreciated.

How do you really be there for someone who never goes to you in the first place? I can't be there for someone who doesn't tell me their issues. So in the case that you are once again singling me out, it's not my fault. There are obviously people who you would rather go to with your problems. So if anything, I'm not appreciated. Instead of telling me how you feel, you express it in a blog, so I am only doing the same. For whatever reason, I feel you won't even talk to me about your issues. I'm not sure what the reason is, but don't blame me for not listening to your issues because you don't give me a clue about what's going on.

I know you're referring to me, but I thought we were closer than that.

057

So break me down if it makes you feel right.
Hate me now if you keeps you alright.

You can break me down
if it takes all your might.

Cuz I'm so much more than meets the eye.

056

So, wow. Where to begin?
Two days ago, I was having a wonderful week. So how is it that in so little time my week could quickly be turned to shit? It was bound to happen, I guess. I knew I was just too happy and I rarely am. With me, if things are just going great for me, I know it's too good to be true and something terrible will end up happening to fuck it all up. Call me pessimistic, but whatever. Sometimes what I need is just someone to remind me that I'm going to be okay and just be there. I don't want to hear the reality of shit. I don't want to be told what's my fault in the situation or any of that shit and I certainly don't want to hear I deserve it. I have nobody in my life like that. What I need is someone to just fucking be there. Listen to me bitch, rub my back as I cry and tell me I'll be fine. Nobody has ever done that for me and I feel it's what I need. I guess that's why I have this blog. I just complain and pour out my heart. Sure the blog can't tell me I'll be okay, but at least it's not telling me what all I did to fuck up.

I find myself in tears for no reason. When I'm with my friends, I'm fine. As soon as I'm alone I can't get it off my mind. I feel dumb about shit. I don't want to go into details because it's not some shit I just wanna tell everyone who reads my blog. If I trusted you enough to let you know, then you'd know by now. Ha, trust.. such a hard thing to get from me. I think what's funny is that a lot of people think I trust them. I could count on my hands, maybe just one, the number of people I actually trust. I won't name them. I guess when it comes down to it, I should never feel screwed over because I never really trusted them in the first place. I will admit I let my guard down a good bit and that's what really ends up fucking me up. I'm building a wall around my heart and one day nobody will have the opportunity to have feelings for me because they won't be returned. It's not what I want and it's not what I need, but I really can't think of anymore options.

Aside from all that bullshit, things have just been super stressful. I'm so ready to get my own place because I know my life will be so much less stressful.

I'm probably depressed; I wouldn't be surprised. So before you come at me the wrong way, read this as almost a disclosure. Anything negative you say will just end up making it worse. There's no such thing as tough love with me because I'm always going to take it personally and it's always going to put me down. That's my issue, but you don't have to be like that in the first place.

I guess that's the gist of it.

055

So a friend of mine sent me a text message earlier saying that there was a group of girls on campus yelling 'MY PRESIDENT IS BLACK.. BITCH!' at people as they walked by.

First things first. I believe everyone has taken note that the president is black. If you have not, then here's your news flash. Again, people. Obama is black, alright? One more time. Barack Obama, our new president, is black.

Although the 'mold' has been broken and history has been made, I'm honestly so tired of the race issue. It's all about black and white and everyone made that clear last night. I really don't give a shit what color Obama is. If I agree with what he stands for, then I agree with what he stands for. Plain and simple. People should not be voting for or against someone because of their skin color, they should be voting for change and the person who can make that change happen. Although that seems like common sense, not everyone feels the same way.

Alot of people are outraged. Before you decide to pack up and move to Antarctica, at least give Obama a chance to make the changes he promised he would. He hasn't even been inaugurated yet and people are already making drastic and irrational plans to do this and that. Chill out. Let him do what he promsied and if you still aren't satisfied in a year or two, then feel free to move to the arctic circle and live with the penguins or whatever it is you plan on doing.

Back to what I first wrote. Not only was the statement offensive, is that really how Obama would like you to be representing for him? Think about it. Do you think Obama would be joining in like "Yeah, bitch! I'm black and I'm president! Yeahhhh!" I don't believe he would. I don't think he'd be proud to say that you were his supporters either. If you disagree and you voted for him, then that says a lot about who you are, as well as a lot about who he is.

Every bitter person who didn't vote for Obama, just chill out and let him do what he said. Let him change the nation, for the better. Let's be honest. You aren't going anywhere. It's hot as hell in Mexico and you can't drink the water. Doesn't sound as great as America, does it? So there goes that genius plan of yours. I honestly doubt any of you would be stupid enough to actually assassinate him, so go ahead and mark that off your list too. It doesn't matter how low your IQ is, you have to know that this country needs a change, so just let it happen.

053

HELLS YEAH.

So, I've been blogging about the roommate/apartment situation for a while now, and I can finally say that EVERYTHING is coming together. FINALLY! I was really worried about how my grandma would react because of everything going on. My mom called her today and explained the situation [in which she stretched the truth, of course] and my mom called me back and told me she's fine with it. I am seriously shocked because that's not what I was expecting. I called financial aid today to see about my loan, and the lady was a total bitch. She told me she saw it had been approved and forwarded me to the bursary. The lady told me the checks would be sent out later this week. Hopefully I'll get that shit by THURSDAY cuz I gotta go over to Spring Chase by Friday and pay the deposit and turn in my application. As soon as that's over with, I'm good.

I'll finally be able to relax after that, and everything will start to fall into place.

052

1 day down, 30+ days to go.

I'm assuming that today is another one of those 'Totally Ignore Ashley' days. I wish somebody would tell me about those days in advance so I can at least not even waste my time trying to talk to someone. I'm almost completely positive it's a good idea to have two guys as options. One of them, if not both, will end up letting you down in some way. I'm hoping I can even write this shit without bursting into tears, but whatever. Excuse the emotions, it's that time of the month. However, I don't feel I'm being overly emotional. So much shit is going on in my life right now. I'm trying to get my own apartment while holding myself back from stabbing my roommates. I'm stressing out about shit I waited until the last minute to do. I honestly can not live here. It is not possible for me to stay in this dorm and keep my sanity. Both can not be done. I'll take my sanity and move out. Back to the subject, I am actually starting to really have feelings for someone. I guess I've always had a thing for them, but just considered it harmless flirting. If he was closer, I'd snatch him up in a heartbeat. That's another reason I haven't given it much thought. We talk a lot, though and I always have a smile on my face when I think about him or talk to him. I'm not really sure how he sees me, though, considering guys are so hard to read. I have plenty of guys I flirt with, but none of them really like me like that, I guess. So I'm not sure what would set him apart from all the others. I still like the other dude, but fuck it. We hardly talk. He's a sweet guy and all, but it's obvious that shit isn't going to happen, mostly because of the distance shit as well. I just don't feel like caking a dude I have no chance with, ever. It's a waste of my emotions and time. Let me make it clear that I've wasted a lot of time and emotions on shit that is never going to happen. In fact, I feel I'm still wasting it on a dude I've been wasting it on for over a year. We see each other all the time, but shit isn't going to come out of it. Maybe I fall too hard and too fast. It's probably one of my flaws, but I'm not used to being treated like I should be. So when one dude comes around who treats me like I deserve, I just start falling-- and much too fast to catch my balance.

Well, now that I've vented I suppose I can finally get some sleep.



"Sometimes you feel everything and nothing
all at once. Sometimes you find yourself smiling
while missing something at the same time.
At times you can absolutely love a person
while wanting to hate them. Life comes with
out guarantees but you can expect that
smiling will brighten your face, laughing will
enhance your eyes & falling in love will
change your life."

051

How is it that everyone living in this whore house is on their period at the same time? I will never, ever live with 3 females again. They're all being total bitches, and their period is not to blame. Then they wonder why I 'look grumpy' and don't talk to them. Hmm .. idiots. Usually I play the little meteorologist of the suite and tell everyone what the weather will be like. So last night Jameicia asked me what the weather is going to be like today and I said 'I don't know' and put my headphones in. I know she was pissed but I just laughed on the inside. Then as soon as I turn off the lights to go to bed she decides to make a phone call. I was like REALLY?! This morning while she was brushing her teeth, I sprayed the new febreeze in the air. I know from experience that when it gets on the wood floors they become slippery. So when she walks in, she nearly slips and falls. I nearly died, but on the inside of course. I couldn't let her know I was laughing. It really warmed my cold heart. Yes, I actually found joy in her nearly busting her ass. If you knew her, you would also. I am still waiting on my damn check to come and honestly I'm getting pissed off. I emailed financial aid today to see what the hell is the hold up.

I keep telling myself only one more month of this bullshit. Then I'll have my own place. My mom told me for Christmas, I won't be getting money. Instead I'll be getting shit for my apartment, which I'm really freaking excited about. I've been shopping for my apartment lately, but mostly just looking at stuff I want. I'm waiting to get it because I'll probably ask for it for Christmas and be able to save my money for other shit, like rent.

I have a test, so I'm going to study now.

050

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us."
--Helen Keller