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My grandfather died on Thursday.
I literally got to the hospice maybe 5 minutes before he passed.
When I walked in, they were taking his pulse and his heartbeat was barely there.
He was asleep.
I told him that I love him so much and that I'm going to miss him.
I never in my life thought I would watch somebody die, but I did.

Saturday at 2 was the visitation at the funeral home. It was a bunch of people who 'haven't seen me since I was knee high' and I had absolutely no idea who they were, but they all knew me. Gotta love that. There isn't a funeral or anything. He wanted to be cremated so tomorrow we're going to spread his remains where he wants them. I didn't cry at all at the funeral home but tomorrow I think I'm going to lose it. There have been a few people who have been here for me. People I wasn't expecting. Then, there were the ones I needed support from the most that weren't even there. I know I have to move on with my life, but sometimes I need a shoulder to cry on. Where were you?

There's more I want to blog about, but it isn't appropriate in this one. Later on in the week, I'll fill you in on other things.

I swear I miss him so much. I'm almost in denial that he's gone. I've decided on my tattoo. I'm getting 3 bear paws on my foot. I have to make sure they're recognizable as bear paws because if anyone asks me why I have dog tracks on my foot, they're going to get stabbed. My grandma gave me his favorite slippers he used to always wear and I've been wearing the hell out of them. I drag my feet when I walk and so did he. So when I walk in them it always makes me think my grandfather is walking behind me, but I realize it's only me.